28th July 2006
havent reviewd about things arond me for a while huh?
been away from office for a few days....the minute i logged on i open this website on the late haniMokhsin. they showed pics of him layin on the airport...the kebumi time..it was a tragic n sad ending for him...
imagine bein his 9 year old daughter...who saw it all and couldnt anything about it. imagined the hopes n dreams she planned to spend his buzy time..just to actually be his final moments of his life..i cant imagined wht final words did he gave to her..or whether she will get over it.
to me that was true tragic.
and tho i dunt know him at all (he is a superstar BTW..just in case u dunt know).
because of his talent (ok im BS'ing..he got the looks k..hehe) he will b deeply missed.
then i went to this webLink that cheema gve me..it was a video shot thru a camera of sum gurl school havin a fight ..not the type where its just words... more of like catFight..one gurl got beaten up quite bad
(not the bloody sort...but been thrown around, and wacked wit a BELT-cam tak percaya kan..ish) i had to turn off the sound..cause i will sureLy cry or be upset about it..then it linked me to another video shot...the UPM case..i didnt understand wht the fight was all about...but it just hit right thru my heart that people as young as students, already know how to discriminate...
maybe events has led to the blackening of these peoples heart.
to hate.
such a harsh, heavy word.
maybe experiences has led to the rascism in our hearts.
who to blame. who should we point fingers ?
p/s: to whom it may concern (those who have constantly read my blog n do not leave any comments..hehe.. u know who u r..hehe)- thnx so much for reading my crap. no reward nor trophy will be given and these information that you get from this blog will not be use in any bilaterals nor agreements in any sort of trade negotiations...hahahah
CHEERS!
28 July 2006
21 July 2006
benar dikau ku cinta
sudah lama tidak berbicara cinta..
tiba tiba naik pula bulu roma... ish
aku seakan tidak percaya. pada malam dikau sebut akan suka,
akan kemungkinan berputiknya sayang...akan kemungkinan ini kan cinta
kabut dan tenang seolah bersatu..
bagaimana hendaknya perjalanan ini pula..
bertanam kan azam dan hasrat menyatu..
tepat pada masa cinta ku temu ..
terlupa pula apa rasa rindu...
tak ingat pula peritnya menunggu..
bila dilanda bagai tidak disangka..
semua perkara tiba tiba tergendala...
takut dan berani bercampur aduk...
terasa melayang..walau pun sedang duduk..
dan siang di rasa begitu perlahan..
dan malam pula terus ku bertahan..
terlupa lagi apa rasa sayang..
atau getaran dilanda cinta..
ku sedang duduk..tapi seperti melayang
ini bukan mimpi semata..
sabar menunggu hari kita..
setiap hari makin sayng..
benar dikau aku cinta..
benar aku rasa seperti melayang..
aaahhh..inikah namanya CINTA?
miawwwwwww
tiba tiba naik pula bulu roma... ish
aku seakan tidak percaya. pada malam dikau sebut akan suka,
akan kemungkinan berputiknya sayang...akan kemungkinan ini kan cinta
kabut dan tenang seolah bersatu..
bagaimana hendaknya perjalanan ini pula..
bertanam kan azam dan hasrat menyatu..
tepat pada masa cinta ku temu ..
terlupa pula apa rasa rindu...
tak ingat pula peritnya menunggu..
bila dilanda bagai tidak disangka..
semua perkara tiba tiba tergendala...
takut dan berani bercampur aduk...
terasa melayang..walau pun sedang duduk..
dan siang di rasa begitu perlahan..
dan malam pula terus ku bertahan..
terlupa lagi apa rasa sayang..
atau getaran dilanda cinta..
ku sedang duduk..tapi seperti melayang
ini bukan mimpi semata..
sabar menunggu hari kita..
setiap hari makin sayng..
benar dikau aku cinta..
benar aku rasa seperti melayang..
aaahhh..inikah namanya CINTA?
miawwwwwww
20 July 2006
changing but staying the same???
people often tell me to "stay the same".
darn..suddenly joeMcIntyre comes up...
."..and i hope u always stay the same..lalala"
that darn cute face i use to have a huge crush on
(way back when NKOTB* was the In Thing..har har har)
behind him u will see big chest ladies in robes (like a choir) and makin it all feel so gospel..
neways...back to "stay the same" bit...
(before i analyse wht the F**** was i thinkin havin a cursh on a such a boi..haha)...
i L.O.V.E myself too much..i dunt ever want to change...
(well so sometimes i go too hardo n myself..but all in the spirit to b the besh!)
i look back at my year book.."class of 96" and 90% says i shoulda wish and words like
" hope farah, that u stay the same/stay cute/ stay cubby.... "
and so i took it positiveLy...
they like the way i already am..so changes is a no need thing for me...
but i forgot..i may not want to change...
but things around me do...
and like it or not...there will come a point that one will have to face it.
i always see change as something sad...something bad...something that wil make me feel abit out of place...make me feel useless..(well not useless..but out of place)
i also see changes happend due to an event, accident...some life turning sort of event that changes one person to the extent they stop believing in things they use to love...or things they use to trust...
the fear of the unknown...that's wht kept me on my toes...i mean its normal...when in a routineLife which consist of just makin yourself eppy...its hard to face the fact that you will have to change...just so you wont get stuck behind time
(like NKOTB*..jippers..hehe)
it kept coming coming n coming... and as much as i wanted to resist...
it just keeps on crawling back
and so i adjust...improvise...find the positives..and the smiles out of it...
i had to force myself to get use to it...
live wit it- that is wht i always tell myself
no regrets!
life goes on..
on all other shits just to make feel ok
but i learnt one thing ....
no matter how much ive changed...or how much life is changing...
be it...change my taste of music, the way i dress, type of car i drive, the type of men i would choose to spend my life with, change workplaces, change bosses...
at the end of the day..(or my life.should it end this very next line..)
i look at myself.and i still see the same me i was 27 years ago..
still crazy for chocs.
still anak abah.
still wit my bantal busuk
(tho not the same one..it has gone thru some changes as well..)
still confuse about things..
just standing still.....
why do i talk about change?
cause things around me are changing...
ive changed my work.no more late nites of work
ive changed my life. no more late nites of loneliness
ive changed my view. no more negativity
i've changed alot. but im still the same curry
(am i makin any sense here?)
Curry-n-herCrap
*NKOTB-New Kids On The Block
darn..suddenly joeMcIntyre comes up...
."..and i hope u always stay the same..lalala"
that darn cute face i use to have a huge crush on
(way back when NKOTB* was the In Thing..har har har)
behind him u will see big chest ladies in robes (like a choir) and makin it all feel so gospel..
neways...back to "stay the same" bit...
(before i analyse wht the F**** was i thinkin havin a cursh on a such a boi..haha)...
i L.O.V.E myself too much..i dunt ever want to change...
(well so sometimes i go too hardo n myself..but all in the spirit to b the besh!)
i look back at my year book.."class of 96" and 90% says i shoulda wish and words like
" hope farah, that u stay the same/stay cute/ stay cubby.... "
and so i took it positiveLy...
they like the way i already am..so changes is a no need thing for me...
but i forgot..i may not want to change...
but things around me do...
and like it or not...there will come a point that one will have to face it.
i always see change as something sad...something bad...something that wil make me feel abit out of place...make me feel useless..(well not useless..but out of place)
i also see changes happend due to an event, accident...some life turning sort of event that changes one person to the extent they stop believing in things they use to love...or things they use to trust...
the fear of the unknown...that's wht kept me on my toes...i mean its normal...when in a routineLife which consist of just makin yourself eppy...its hard to face the fact that you will have to change...just so you wont get stuck behind time
(like NKOTB*..jippers..hehe)
it kept coming coming n coming... and as much as i wanted to resist...
it just keeps on crawling back
and so i adjust...improvise...find the positives..and the smiles out of it...
i had to force myself to get use to it...
live wit it- that is wht i always tell myself
no regrets!
life goes on..
on all other shits just to make feel ok
but i learnt one thing ....
no matter how much ive changed...or how much life is changing...
be it...change my taste of music, the way i dress, type of car i drive, the type of men i would choose to spend my life with, change workplaces, change bosses...
at the end of the day..(or my life.should it end this very next line..)
i look at myself.and i still see the same me i was 27 years ago..
still crazy for chocs.
still anak abah.
still wit my bantal busuk
(tho not the same one..it has gone thru some changes as well..)
still confuse about things..
just standing still.....
why do i talk about change?
cause things around me are changing...
ive changed my work.no more late nites of work
ive changed my life. no more late nites of loneliness
ive changed my view. no more negativity
i've changed alot. but im still the same curry
(am i makin any sense here?)
Curry-n-herCrap
*NKOTB-New Kids On The Block
12 July 2006
aku merinduimu
1.21 am, wdnsday
aku merinduimu...wahai insaf...
menunggu saat kau hadir untuk mengejutku...untuk menyedarku..sabar menunggu...tika hati dilandah gulana..tika perjalanan ku huyung dan hayang...aku mengharap mu hadir....
aku merinduimu....wahai insaf....
untuk waktu ku tersedar semula...tika waktu ku kembali mengadapMu...oh aku rindu..dalam kelekaan mengejar arti hidup..mngejar yang sementara...mengejar yang dalam belantara...
aku merinduimu ...wahai insaf..
mengenangkan segala gelumang....dosa, khayalan dan yang bukan-bukan...terusan menitis mencari mu..tidak ketemu..oh aku rindu...
aku tidak jahat...aku bukan syaitan...aku adalah hambaMu.hamba yang seringkali leka...serinkali lupa....sehingga diingatkan olehMu... dengan disepak dengan yang dinama 'takdir'...tika itu...terhegeh-hegeh aku akan mencariMu..besungguh-sungguh aku perlu mendapat rahmatMu..tika waktu semua sudah terlambat.. tika ikhlas tidak lagi tersemat!!!!
mahu kah aku hendak seperti itu?
seperti tiada nafas dalam badan ini...seperti tiada yang ikhlas di dunia ini...
oh aku ingin mencari mu..mengejar mu...
hidup ku hanya mengejar....dan terusan akan mengejar....
hingga ketemu semula
wahai insaf...aku merinduimu......
aku merinduimu...wahai insaf...
menunggu saat kau hadir untuk mengejutku...untuk menyedarku..sabar menunggu...tika hati dilandah gulana..tika perjalanan ku huyung dan hayang...aku mengharap mu hadir....
aku merinduimu....wahai insaf....
untuk waktu ku tersedar semula...tika waktu ku kembali mengadapMu...oh aku rindu..dalam kelekaan mengejar arti hidup..mngejar yang sementara...mengejar yang dalam belantara...
aku merinduimu ...wahai insaf..
mengenangkan segala gelumang....dosa, khayalan dan yang bukan-bukan...terusan menitis mencari mu..tidak ketemu..oh aku rindu...
aku tidak jahat...aku bukan syaitan...aku adalah hambaMu.hamba yang seringkali leka...serinkali lupa....sehingga diingatkan olehMu... dengan disepak dengan yang dinama 'takdir'...tika itu...terhegeh-hegeh aku akan mencariMu..besungguh-sungguh aku perlu mendapat rahmatMu..tika waktu semua sudah terlambat.. tika ikhlas tidak lagi tersemat!!!!
mahu kah aku hendak seperti itu?
seperti tiada nafas dalam badan ini...seperti tiada yang ikhlas di dunia ini...
oh aku ingin mencari mu..mengejar mu...
hidup ku hanya mengejar....dan terusan akan mengejar....
hingga ketemu semula
wahai insaf...aku merinduimu......
30 June 2006
from cabinet to multiLateral....
30th June 2006
every beginning has its end.....
i tell that to myself eDay ...
not all beginning are xciting as the end,
as not all ending is as eppy as its beginning....but that is just that...
that every beginning has its end.
when routine activity grows on you...and u meet true hearts along the way..
its hard to leave it all..to say goodbye.
i remember the first time i started working here...so lost...so much to read...so much to remember...yish...can i actually do all this...all by myself?!!
years have proven my ability, patience and determination to get things done
and so it did..
and so my time is here....
here's to cabinet!
...for every end, opens a beginning.
*winkx
every beginning has its end.....
i tell that to myself eDay ...
not all beginning are xciting as the end,
as not all ending is as eppy as its beginning....but that is just that...
that every beginning has its end.
when routine activity grows on you...and u meet true hearts along the way..
its hard to leave it all..to say goodbye.
i remember the first time i started working here...so lost...so much to read...so much to remember...yish...can i actually do all this...all by myself?!!
years have proven my ability, patience and determination to get things done
and so it did..
and so my time is here....
here's to cabinet!
...for every end, opens a beginning.
*winkx
26 June 2006
.Like chocs n candy...
25th Jun 2006
define love....
mmmmm...its like looking at a beautiful lady....its such a subjective thing to define...n when its that...it comes in many ways....in many definitions....
as far as life has brought me...ive found my definition love in many forms...many ways....and many subjective conclusions...
it can be sweet...like cotton candy sweet....like that adrenaline, tingling taste the second that candy touches ure toungue....it just melts there....right there where it matters the most...which then of course makes u smile...then makes u go wild for more....as u pinch for alittle bit more...this time a little bit more than the first time...u want to roll it into a ball...so u can taste the substance....before it melts into pure bliss....mmmm...love can b sweet...
or love is like eating Kit Kat...creamy wafer coated in choc...its something u take when u need a break....when u need time off...mmmm....that 4bars of pleasure and sweetness...mind u...not all kitkats r the same....i find malaysian made kitKats taste crap compared to them imported ones...
its not the cocoa, its not the wrapping...its all in the milk...powdered milk do no justice to the brand kitKat...trust me....
or love can be bittersweet...dark and creamy all in one...it enters into your heart....sometimes u swallow it easy...other times it leaves an unforgetable taste......that taste so harsh...no matter how u swallow it away....its stays there, annoying and unforgiving...sometimes u need to wash it down with water to feel your toungue again....or take something sweeter to erase away the bitter ness...yep...when there is nothing else around..u just have to take it the way it is....both bitter n sweet....
like choc and candy i define....love is...
mmmmmm....
something i defintely cant live witOut.
curry_n her chocs..(hehehehe...)
define love....
mmmmm...its like looking at a beautiful lady....its such a subjective thing to define...n when its that...it comes in many ways....in many definitions....
as far as life has brought me...ive found my definition love in many forms...many ways....and many subjective conclusions...
it can be sweet...like cotton candy sweet....like that adrenaline, tingling taste the second that candy touches ure toungue....it just melts there....right there where it matters the most...which then of course makes u smile...then makes u go wild for more....as u pinch for alittle bit more...this time a little bit more than the first time...u want to roll it into a ball...so u can taste the substance....before it melts into pure bliss....mmmm...love can b sweet...
or love is like eating Kit Kat...creamy wafer coated in choc...its something u take when u need a break....when u need time off...mmmm....that 4bars of pleasure and sweetness...mind u...not all kitkats r the same....i find malaysian made kitKats taste crap compared to them imported ones...
its not the cocoa, its not the wrapping...its all in the milk...powdered milk do no justice to the brand kitKat...trust me....
or love can be bittersweet...dark and creamy all in one...it enters into your heart....sometimes u swallow it easy...other times it leaves an unforgetable taste......that taste so harsh...no matter how u swallow it away....its stays there, annoying and unforgiving...sometimes u need to wash it down with water to feel your toungue again....or take something sweeter to erase away the bitter ness...yep...when there is nothing else around..u just have to take it the way it is....both bitter n sweet....
like choc and candy i define....love is...
mmmmmm....
something i defintely cant live witOut.
curry_n her chocs..(hehehehe...)
22 May 2006
permulaan sebutir sayang...
22nd May 2006
sudah lama tidak bersuara...sudah lama tidak berkata-kata
ada yang runsing..hingga terpusing-pusing...
ada pula seperti tidak percaya..
ataupun mungkin sukar menerimanya ( " ,)
sudah lama tidak berbicara...tidak pula bermadah pujangga
ada yang genting..jangan rasa terasing...
ada pula seperti sedia ada..
atau mungkin sekadar bersahaja...
sunyi ku ini bukan biasa...
rasa ini bukan biasa...
telah dibisik ke hati ini...
bukan nya sedih
bukan lagi pilu
bukan lagi kerisauan
akan kuasa kesunyian...
tapinya
sayang...
seindah sebutir sayang
oh sayang ku....
curry*
p/s: bein eppy. plain eppy.dats wht ive been doin..thnx for askin.hehehehe
sudah lama tidak bersuara...sudah lama tidak berkata-kata
ada yang runsing..hingga terpusing-pusing...
ada pula seperti tidak percaya..
ataupun mungkin sukar menerimanya ( " ,)
sudah lama tidak berbicara...tidak pula bermadah pujangga
ada yang genting..jangan rasa terasing...
ada pula seperti sedia ada..
atau mungkin sekadar bersahaja...
sunyi ku ini bukan biasa...
rasa ini bukan biasa...
telah dibisik ke hati ini...
bukan nya sedih
bukan lagi pilu
bukan lagi kerisauan
akan kuasa kesunyian...
tapinya
sayang...
seindah sebutir sayang
oh sayang ku....
curry*
p/s: bein eppy. plain eppy.dats wht ive been doin..thnx for askin.hehehehe
18 April 2006
remember, ida....( " ,)
18th April 2006
nothing beats bein in a gurl's school...esp Sri Aman...oh yeah....love those times....n nothing is more sweeter than to have close frends (n also close enemies....hahahaah...the drama)...one good thing (out of the many 'notty things' hahaah) that i've gotten form sri aman...is pureGold frendship...n it was (n still is) form a gurl name ida.
first time i met her was when i was in form 3....we were in the same class n she sat next to me..ida ni known for bein "the in thing" as for me...mmmm i was the "full attendance, gurl in the front seat aka N to tha E to tha R to tha D" gurl....tapi she was no ordinary(or should i say typical) sri aman gurl... one thing about her is makin her laugh...the stupidest jokes (mostLy which involves melted chocs n things that come out from an ass...hahahaha...remember ida) r those that make her laugh the loudest........
n it didnt just end there....remember the afternoon calls...gossip -bitchin about just evrything...as if we've never met in days...or will never meet again...hahaha...then the weekends we had kat one utama..remember we use to wear docs martin?....gosh it was the in thing back then kan....
remember the school pic the three of us took?...kelakar kan..out of all the places..behind some block..in our baju kurungs....hehehe....
then i left for UUM...remember the letters we use to send to each other...funny thing was both our mums thought something fishy was goin between us...hahaha.....ntah ape2 kan the things we wrote....about whts happenning in our lives...whts it like living in the north..hahaha.....(u know i still keep them)
those were the days...
though now i dunt call u eDay...nor write to u ...tho now sms is just a finger away.... n emails outcast letters....n doc martin's has gone out of fashion....
im glad me n u never changed, ida.
hope it never will.
mmuahs.
cheers!
nothing beats bein in a gurl's school...esp Sri Aman...oh yeah....love those times....n nothing is more sweeter than to have close frends (n also close enemies....hahahaah...the drama)...one good thing (out of the many 'notty things' hahaah) that i've gotten form sri aman...is pureGold frendship...n it was (n still is) form a gurl name ida.
first time i met her was when i was in form 3....we were in the same class n she sat next to me..ida ni known for bein "the in thing" as for me...mmmm i was the "full attendance, gurl in the front seat aka N to tha E to tha R to tha D" gurl....tapi she was no ordinary(or should i say typical) sri aman gurl... one thing about her is makin her laugh...the stupidest jokes (mostLy which involves melted chocs n things that come out from an ass...hahahaha...remember ida) r those that make her laugh the loudest........
n it didnt just end there....remember the afternoon calls...gossip -bitchin about just evrything...as if we've never met in days...or will never meet again...hahaha...then the weekends we had kat one utama..remember we use to wear docs martin?....gosh it was the in thing back then kan....
remember the school pic the three of us took?...kelakar kan..out of all the places..behind some block..in our baju kurungs....hehehe....
then i left for UUM...remember the letters we use to send to each other...funny thing was both our mums thought something fishy was goin between us...hahaha.....ntah ape2 kan the things we wrote....about whts happenning in our lives...whts it like living in the north..hahaha.....(u know i still keep them)
those were the days...
though now i dunt call u eDay...nor write to u ...tho now sms is just a finger away.... n emails outcast letters....n doc martin's has gone out of fashion....
im glad me n u never changed, ida.
hope it never will.
mmuahs.
cheers!
10 April 2006
seindah bunga pertama...
10 April 2006
setelah lama kau menghilang....
tiba-tiba sahaja...dalam kesibukan masa ini..
kau muncul semula...
sudah lusuh rupamu....sudah tidak bermaya..
jika aku tidak menghimpitmu dulu...mungkin sudah lelah hancur dihirup masa...
tiba-tiba sahaja....dalam kesepian hati ini....
kau muncul semula...
ngapa aku terlupa untuk membuangMu...
ngapa aku terleka meletak mu di situ...
ngapa seketika ku ingat semua...
ngapa sedih menyelubugi semula..
ish ish ...bunga pertama*
(* at PD BBQ Nite, i was asked to sing 'eThing i do i do it for u', he gave me that rose. kept it over nite.next day went to a printing shop n asked to laminate it. the dude working there looked at me one way, but did just exactly that. i was even willing to pay back, u know if... of a sudden the laminate machine jammed because of the rose.....mmmmmmm.....split second there allias, i miss u.....(uWekkk...not!)
C h e e r s !
(thinkin aloud- to forgive is allowed....but never to forget....just keep it to remind...of my one favMistake...)
setelah lama kau menghilang....
tiba-tiba sahaja...dalam kesibukan masa ini..
kau muncul semula...
sudah lusuh rupamu....sudah tidak bermaya..
jika aku tidak menghimpitmu dulu...mungkin sudah lelah hancur dihirup masa...
tiba-tiba sahaja....dalam kesepian hati ini....
kau muncul semula...
ngapa aku terlupa untuk membuangMu...
ngapa aku terleka meletak mu di situ...
ngapa seketika ku ingat semua...
ngapa sedih menyelubugi semula..
ish ish ...bunga pertama*
(* at PD BBQ Nite, i was asked to sing 'eThing i do i do it for u', he gave me that rose. kept it over nite.next day went to a printing shop n asked to laminate it. the dude working there looked at me one way, but did just exactly that. i was even willing to pay back, u know if... of a sudden the laminate machine jammed because of the rose.....mmmmmmm.....split second there allias, i miss u.....(uWekkk...not!)
C h e e r s !
(thinkin aloud- to forgive is allowed....but never to forget....just keep it to remind...of my one favMistake...)
6 April 2006
at 1am...
6th april 2006
i cant sleep..my body is tired of a day at work, an hour of bowling n 30 minutes of elping out a flat tyre (unny u did the rest dear...all i wanted to do is tighten them bolts...or whtever u call it...hehe)..im tired ..but i cant sleep...
i cant think straight...my mind needs the rest...but i'm thinkin of him...of u....then him again....gosh....am i missin u?....why do i bother if she does come back to you?...and why do i love him?...or do i?....is this for real....he cant be there forever...but u might...but am i what u're looking for?...am i missin u?....me n my stupid assumptions....then my stupid imaginations...then my forever-ness im looking for...ish ish...why do i open my heart to such matters?...why do i inflict pain eTime i feel the purity n honesty of loving some one ....of missin someOne...what i think n wht i say...more often than most...just keep hurting eOne.....then somehow just hurts me...how long can i care about u?...how long can i wait for him?...i keep sayin sorry....i keep thinkin things will go my way...but im stuck....and i might just be stuck here...for a little while...cause as much as i hate bein tangled in confusion...i'd rather (b)* ...than anything else...
i cant breath calmLy...exhale inhale is cunfusing in my system....sometimes its soothing..but mostLy...mmmmm...im not sure....i breath it like forever....then like a sudden drop....it feels like eThing just stops....then there comes breathLess moments....which comes n go...wit those time i just want to cry....
i feel twisted and wasted....u may say im fine ...i may look fine....i am fine....i am me...but i do feel twisted....n most times wasted....
especially now
at 1am..
mornin is comin...again iLL b alrite...
dunt ask what came over me. k?
cheers!
-JK, i miss u dearLy...where r u?
i cant sleep..my body is tired of a day at work, an hour of bowling n 30 minutes of elping out a flat tyre (unny u did the rest dear...all i wanted to do is tighten them bolts...or whtever u call it...hehe)..im tired ..but i cant sleep...
i cant think straight...my mind needs the rest...but i'm thinkin of him...of u....then him again....gosh....am i missin u?....why do i bother if she does come back to you?...and why do i love him?...or do i?....is this for real....he cant be there forever...but u might...but am i what u're looking for?...am i missin u?....me n my stupid assumptions....then my stupid imaginations...then my forever-ness im looking for...ish ish...why do i open my heart to such matters?...why do i inflict pain eTime i feel the purity n honesty of loving some one ....of missin someOne...what i think n wht i say...more often than most...just keep hurting eOne.....then somehow just hurts me...how long can i care about u?...how long can i wait for him?...i keep sayin sorry....i keep thinkin things will go my way...but im stuck....and i might just be stuck here...for a little while...cause as much as i hate bein tangled in confusion...i'd rather (b)* ...than anything else...
i cant breath calmLy...exhale inhale is cunfusing in my system....sometimes its soothing..but mostLy...mmmmm...im not sure....i breath it like forever....then like a sudden drop....it feels like eThing just stops....then there comes breathLess moments....which comes n go...wit those time i just want to cry....
i feel twisted and wasted....u may say im fine ...i may look fine....i am fine....i am me...but i do feel twisted....n most times wasted....
especially now
at 1am..
mornin is comin...again iLL b alrite...
dunt ask what came over me. k?
cheers!
-JK, i miss u dearLy...where r u?
29 March 2006
currentLy i...
29th Mac 2006
ive been so far..
i've been a distant...
ive been too quite...its makin u riot...
so here's alittle update..i hope its not that too late
(*winks!...)
*i'm off choc bars ..(wish me luck!). noMore patchi's, MnM's, Cadbury, Roches, KitKat..nope...not even white chocs, bitterSweet, dark, fullMilk, powdered milk...nope not this time...for 30days im off...for 30days iLL b sober...sometimes it feels abit weird...like an inComplete conversation...or a day witOut shower....but iLL get use to it...
*im playing strings now n i call it Morrison...its SilkyBlack, fineLy tuned and it fits myTheme... i consider it a long term planning (first ..k)..just in case i get bored of staring the pc...i can make money by standing at pasarSeni (hahahaha)..
*i'm cooking...thnx to my housemate(u rawk syarks!)...ive actually realised cooking is not brain surgery... in fact cooking is all about immitating wht u see on tv, comparing it wit the actual pic in the Recipe book...and re-tasting n re-tasting till u get the flava....which will eventually leaves me bloated or full...hehe
*i'm a workaholic....yep..work is my B****.all this covering here n covering there..makin me ill... i have no life when its a workin day. i eat sleep shit puke moan stutter *w-o-r-k....till June iLL be workDrunk..iLL spin my head...fight those stairs...iLL puff my sanctuary...eThing....cause work is myLife(till june....)
*i'm still loneLy...it doenst go away...even after all these years...its still there...the fear of bein alone...hell even the fear of intimacy freaks me out..ive searched high and low...found things but its not wht im looking for...so i leave but i keep the lesson...too many wrong doors... now im not so sure where's my way out... regret does come by and remind me...but itLL go away...i promise...found myLove but its not 'cookies-n-cream'...not straight forward...not something for tommorrow...never want to end it....never will....but then again...never say never...nothing else matters...
noOne else will hear... but myLove for him... that's something im crystal clear(sigh...*b)
*ive till got issues...anger issues...weight issues....choc issues...issues n issues...all that makes a drama out of me...i need to relax..i need to lose weight....i need to stay away form chocs to loose weight....i need to calm down...i need to release it right...dunt do that tone wit her...dunt stare at the isle....i need to to starve....a little starving can help...stop thinkin about food...what about thinkin of hunger...just think of bein thin..bein BodyloveLy...bein beautiful....hope for that day im proud to be naked in the mirror...no more plus sizes...tight skirts..high heels...fit blouses n perfect jeans...like i said..issues over issues....
**i'm still me, dear.
at the end of the day...after all the trauma...after all the regret, fury and disspointment....after uve said goodbye...even after i puff away....i'm still me...
standing still
still that gurl wit a big heart...still that gurl who can laugh till she pee...still that gurl who loves to day dream...yep still me...
this is currentLy me.
this is currentLy thee...
havent gone far u see....
ive been so far..
i've been a distant...
ive been too quite...its makin u riot...
so here's alittle update..i hope its not that too late
(*winks!...)
*i'm off choc bars ..(wish me luck!). noMore patchi's, MnM's, Cadbury, Roches, KitKat..nope...not even white chocs, bitterSweet, dark, fullMilk, powdered milk...nope not this time...for 30days im off...for 30days iLL b sober...sometimes it feels abit weird...like an inComplete conversation...or a day witOut shower....but iLL get use to it...
*im playing strings now n i call it Morrison...its SilkyBlack, fineLy tuned and it fits myTheme... i consider it a long term planning (first ..k)..just in case i get bored of staring the pc...i can make money by standing at pasarSeni (hahahaha)..
*i'm cooking...thnx to my housemate(u rawk syarks!)...ive actually realised cooking is not brain surgery... in fact cooking is all about immitating wht u see on tv, comparing it wit the actual pic in the Recipe book...and re-tasting n re-tasting till u get the flava....which will eventually leaves me bloated or full...hehe
*i'm a workaholic....yep..work is my B****.all this covering here n covering there..makin me ill... i have no life when its a workin day. i eat sleep shit puke moan stutter *w-o-r-k....till June iLL be workDrunk..iLL spin my head...fight those stairs...iLL puff my sanctuary...eThing....cause work is myLife(till june....)
*i'm still loneLy...it doenst go away...even after all these years...its still there...the fear of bein alone...hell even the fear of intimacy freaks me out..ive searched high and low...found things but its not wht im looking for...so i leave but i keep the lesson...too many wrong doors... now im not so sure where's my way out... regret does come by and remind me...but itLL go away...i promise...found myLove but its not 'cookies-n-cream'...not straight forward...not something for tommorrow...never want to end it....never will....but then again...never say never...nothing else matters...
noOne else will hear... but myLove for him... that's something im crystal clear(sigh...*b)
*ive till got issues...anger issues...weight issues....choc issues...issues n issues...all that makes a drama out of me...i need to relax..i need to lose weight....i need to stay away form chocs to loose weight....i need to calm down...i need to release it right...dunt do that tone wit her...dunt stare at the isle....i need to to starve....a little starving can help...stop thinkin about food...what about thinkin of hunger...just think of bein thin..bein BodyloveLy...bein beautiful....hope for that day im proud to be naked in the mirror...no more plus sizes...tight skirts..high heels...fit blouses n perfect jeans...like i said..issues over issues....
**i'm still me, dear.
at the end of the day...after all the trauma...after all the regret, fury and disspointment....after uve said goodbye...even after i puff away....i'm still me...
standing still
still that gurl wit a big heart...still that gurl who can laugh till she pee...still that gurl who loves to day dream...yep still me...
this is currentLy me.
this is currentLy thee...
havent gone far u see....
8 March 2006
f.e.e.L
9th march 2006
irritated. bored. upset. dissapointed. wanting to runAway. wanting so bad to be noticed. then i'd rather be invisible than to let him see.
insane. bitchy. whimsy. plain crazy. wanting to fadeAway. wanting so bad to go unnoticed. then i'd rather be heard than to loose him so soon.
tired. wasted. demented. bloated. wanting to puffAway. wanting so bad to just stay aware. then i'd rather be thin than to keep it all rare.
do you f.e.e.L it?
cheers!
irritated. bored. upset. dissapointed. wanting to runAway. wanting so bad to be noticed. then i'd rather be invisible than to let him see.
insane. bitchy. whimsy. plain crazy. wanting to fadeAway. wanting so bad to go unnoticed. then i'd rather be heard than to loose him so soon.
tired. wasted. demented. bloated. wanting to puffAway. wanting so bad to just stay aware. then i'd rather be thin than to keep it all rare.
do you f.e.e.L it?
cheers!
3 March 2006
JK, this one's for u . cheers!
3rd March 2006
ure in lurve.
that's the way.
it should b.
cause i want u to b eppy
ure in lurve.
and i know.
that ure not in lurve wit me.
ooohh
its enough.
for me to know.
that ure in lurve.
i will let u go.
cause ure in lurve................
c.h.e.e.r.s
ure in lurve.
that's the way.
it should b.
cause i want u to b eppy
ure in lurve.
and i know.
that ure not in lurve wit me.
ooohh
its enough.
for me to know.
that ure in lurve.
i will let u go.
cause ure in lurve................
c.h.e.e.r.s
21 February 2006
*tribute to Acik (AL-fatihah)*
21st February 2006
sukar nak percaya acik sudah tiada.
bermimpi aku agaknya... tidak mungkin...mungkin dya bertukar hospital lagi...esok lusa keluar la ia...balik kepada sedia ada..
berkhayal aku agaknya..tidak mungkin...wajah tenang itu kembali teringat... kain putih mengelilingi wajahnya...oh aku tidak mampu menghampirinya...aku tidak percaya ini semua...tetapi acik seperti bersahaja...seperti sedia menghadapi segala..seperti redha ketentuanNya..
lantas teringat tika dan waktu.
sambutan meriah di hari jadiku.
pernah dahulu ku sambut di rumah mu..
diiring doa pakngah , jodoh dipertemu..sihat sejahtera, aman akhirat dunia.
lain pula waktu ini.
sambutan hiba di hari jadiku.
kini kau sambut kembali kepadaNya..
diiring doa pakngah, ajal dipertemu....di halal segalanya, aman akhirat dunia.
setiap tawa ada makna tersiratnya.setiap renungan ada ikhlasnya.
setiap terguran ku ingat sentiasa. setiap kata ku abadi selamanya
setiap doaku akan ku iring bersamanya...
Allahyarhammah Hasnah binti Abdul Jalil
aL-fatihah
*19 Feb 2006
sukar nak percaya acik sudah tiada.
bermimpi aku agaknya... tidak mungkin...mungkin dya bertukar hospital lagi...esok lusa keluar la ia...balik kepada sedia ada..
berkhayal aku agaknya..tidak mungkin...wajah tenang itu kembali teringat... kain putih mengelilingi wajahnya...oh aku tidak mampu menghampirinya...aku tidak percaya ini semua...tetapi acik seperti bersahaja...seperti sedia menghadapi segala..seperti redha ketentuanNya..
lantas teringat tika dan waktu.
sambutan meriah di hari jadiku.
pernah dahulu ku sambut di rumah mu..
diiring doa pakngah , jodoh dipertemu..sihat sejahtera, aman akhirat dunia.
lain pula waktu ini.
sambutan hiba di hari jadiku.
kini kau sambut kembali kepadaNya..
diiring doa pakngah, ajal dipertemu....di halal segalanya, aman akhirat dunia.
setiap tawa ada makna tersiratnya.setiap renungan ada ikhlasnya.
setiap terguran ku ingat sentiasa. setiap kata ku abadi selamanya
setiap doaku akan ku iring bersamanya...
Allahyarhammah Hasnah binti Abdul Jalil
aL-fatihah
*19 Feb 2006
19 January 2006
30days
19th January 2006
30 last days before im 27
hy.been a while since ive written any of my thinking.
been buzy, lazy, horny not to mention lonely, bit greedy n of course needy.
tangled up in cunfusion, desperate to keep myself sane, struggling to find that One that loves me back...mmmm....the usual suspect.
maybe im not that confused anymore. ive had my crushes.. i left them that way. dunt need to nag on the questions. all i need is just to go away..
maybe keeping sane is not that hard. but nothing beats alittle insanity in us huh.. that one moment u laughed a little extra...or acted a little out of the norm..hey that is normal..
ive had my moments...ive had my time..i ve had those times i wish it hadnt come.
but it did. n so it passed. i lived, am still breathing.like i said. its not that hard.
the one that loves me back.oh how i longed to b wit u. Eday wit u. every second. nothing else matters in this world when it's about u yg..nothing. never has anyone made me feel so beautiful or worth something like u do..u love me even when im ugly, dizzy, naughty, crazy, cranky, giddy, bitchy....
ive actually found that one that loves me back. i really have..
in an instance i would've said yes to ure question yg.
in an instance i would've said yes.
i keep forgetting. again and again...i just keep on forgetting
not all great loveStrories ends with an "ever after"
not all.
30 days and counting...then iLL be 3 years to 30 years old....ahhh the number 3...
30 last days before im 27
hy.been a while since ive written any of my thinking.
been buzy, lazy, horny not to mention lonely, bit greedy n of course needy.
tangled up in cunfusion, desperate to keep myself sane, struggling to find that One that loves me back...mmmm....the usual suspect.
maybe im not that confused anymore. ive had my crushes.. i left them that way. dunt need to nag on the questions. all i need is just to go away..
maybe keeping sane is not that hard. but nothing beats alittle insanity in us huh.. that one moment u laughed a little extra...or acted a little out of the norm..hey that is normal..
ive had my moments...ive had my time..i ve had those times i wish it hadnt come.
but it did. n so it passed. i lived, am still breathing.like i said. its not that hard.
the one that loves me back.oh how i longed to b wit u. Eday wit u. every second. nothing else matters in this world when it's about u yg..nothing. never has anyone made me feel so beautiful or worth something like u do..u love me even when im ugly, dizzy, naughty, crazy, cranky, giddy, bitchy....
ive actually found that one that loves me back. i really have..
in an instance i would've said yes to ure question yg.
in an instance i would've said yes.
i keep forgetting. again and again...i just keep on forgetting
not all great loveStrories ends with an "ever after"
not all.
30 days and counting...then iLL be 3 years to 30 years old....ahhh the number 3...
6 January 2006
i'm a mess
6th January 2006.
yikes!2006
hehe..eppy new year.patutnya id b writing all the ups and down, shits n glory dat has happend in 2005 before it ended. hell i even started drafting it.but im a mess.end of 2005, im a mess.
is bein in love all about finding the right person at the right time?is finding true love all about bein wit someOne that fits all norm of bein in a relationship?..lateLy ive been askin myself that.so one meets a guy, finds things in common to talk about, both single then the next best thing, form a relationship and thus "In L to tha O to tha V to tha E". but what hapends when uve found love but not from the right person n worst the wrong time?.will denying whats true just because its no ordinary love be the solution?.is it written anywhere that all true love ends "eppyLy ever after"?i even almost lost it all just because all i could think of is doing whats best for me.but honestly, denying it?
im a mess.
work.all i could think of is work. i eat, sleep, BS even gossip about work.last year i was crowned "least who took leave and nil MC" .wow! even i couldnt take that status for real. but yep, im in the running to b crowned "workaholic who has nothing else but work work work". if work was a man, id probably marry him..hell mayb i will.
im a mess.
my heart. most times is secured. other times is lifeLess. it melts easily. more of when im high wit some chocs.isnt there anything true out there for this heart to feed?isnt there anything real n sane enough to tell this heart of mine to beat normally. but then again, it never has. it keeps skipping a beat. n in some cases, just stop.
im a mess
dem. im a mess.
eppy new year!
KareeCurry
yikes!2006
hehe..eppy new year.patutnya id b writing all the ups and down, shits n glory dat has happend in 2005 before it ended. hell i even started drafting it.but im a mess.end of 2005, im a mess.
is bein in love all about finding the right person at the right time?is finding true love all about bein wit someOne that fits all norm of bein in a relationship?..lateLy ive been askin myself that.so one meets a guy, finds things in common to talk about, both single then the next best thing, form a relationship and thus "In L to tha O to tha V to tha E". but what hapends when uve found love but not from the right person n worst the wrong time?.will denying whats true just because its no ordinary love be the solution?.is it written anywhere that all true love ends "eppyLy ever after"?i even almost lost it all just because all i could think of is doing whats best for me.but honestly, denying it?
im a mess.
work.all i could think of is work. i eat, sleep, BS even gossip about work.last year i was crowned "least who took leave and nil MC" .wow! even i couldnt take that status for real. but yep, im in the running to b crowned "workaholic who has nothing else but work work work". if work was a man, id probably marry him..hell mayb i will.
im a mess.
my heart. most times is secured. other times is lifeLess. it melts easily. more of when im high wit some chocs.isnt there anything true out there for this heart to feed?isnt there anything real n sane enough to tell this heart of mine to beat normally. but then again, it never has. it keeps skipping a beat. n in some cases, just stop.
im a mess
dem. im a mess.
eppy new year!
KareeCurry
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